Are you tired of dating immature men who are only interested in sex, have no clue how to treat a lady or spend too much time hanging with their boys? If so, perhaps it’s time for you to date an older man. Even if it’s only for a short time, the experience you will gain will be priceless. Once you know what it’s like to be in a mature relationship, you may decide to never date men your age again. At the very least, you will be better prepared to choose more wisely when it comes to selecting Mr. Right. Before heading off to the nearest golf course, upscale bar or online dating site, read these tips on how find the right silver fox for you:
1. Make sure he’s a good fit.
Instead of making sure you’re a good fit for him, make sure he’s a good fit for you. You may feel you have to fit into his world since he’s older, wiser and set in his ways. By doing this, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice. If you’re not compatible, accept it and move on. You’re too young to settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
2. Don’t be a trophy.
Some men chase younger women as a way of making themselves feel younger or to stroke their own ego by bagging a young hottie. Don’t assume that older men are different than younger men when comes to using women as sex objects. Protect your heart and self-worth by not jumping into sex or accepting expensive gifts too quickly. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you are living in a condo, driving a car and using a credit card that are all in his name, and he’s only coming by for sex. The realization that you have essentially become a prostitute won’t sit well with you.
3. Don’t assume he’s going to use you.
Although some older men treat younger women as trophies, not all of them do. Just as you’d do with a younger man, choose wisely. Pay attention to the way he’s treating you and the language he uses. This will tell you a great deal about his intentions.
4. Know your worth.
You have more to offer than a hot body. Just because a man is older and has more experience doesn’t mean he knows everything. You have life experiences and knowledge of your own that has value. Don’t be afraid to express your opinions or offer your advice.
5. Call him on his bullshit.
Although the BS of an older man may be different than the BS of a younger man – it’s still BS. Plus, he’s a man who knows more about the inner workings of women. He can use this knowledge to be a better man for you and he can use it for his own selfish reasons. He’s only human. When your bullshit-ometer goes off, listen to it and call him on it. Some men like to date younger women because they can be easier to manipulate, but most men will respect a woman who is confident enough to stand up for herself and not put up with his BS.
6. Make sure he’s not the jealous type.
For the most part older men are not going to be as insecure as younger men. They understand that you have a life of your own to live, just as he does. However, if he is prone to jealousy or possessiveness, this will be a problem (as it would be in any relationship). You’re going to have different energy levels. It’s a biological fact. Therefore, there are going to be times when you want to go out with your friends and he wants to be at home. If he is unable to accept this, move on to a more confident man.
7. Don’t assume he’s settled.
Just because he’s older doesn’t mean he has settled down. Some men live a George Clooney type of life, and plan to die a bachelor. If a long line of hot women couldn’t get ‘ol Georgie boy to settle down, it’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to get a Clooney-wanna-be to turn into the marrying type either. Some men are only good for fun. If that’s what you are looking for, then go for it and have a blast. If not, don’t go beyond a couple of dates and do not get attached. You’ll only set yourself up for heartache.
8. Don’t try to be his kids’ mom.
They already have a mom. You aren’t playing house. These are real people’s lives. Think of how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. You wouldn’t want some other (younger) woman trying to take your place in your children’s lives.
9. Make sure you’re on the same page.
Know his stance on commitment and children. He may be ready to settle down and start a family, while you are just getting started as an adult and have no interest in settling down. Or, he may be at the stage in his life where he has already been married, has kids and has no interest in ever getting married again. Get everything out on the table earlier than you normally would.
10. Don’t make jokes about his age.
Men are just as sensitive about this subject as women. You don’t want him joking that your butt looks fat in your jeans. So, don’t joke around about his first gray hair.
11. Be ready for his baggage.
One thing that comes with adding more years to your life is baggage. Everyone has it, but some people have more than others. Know what you are getting yourself into before you get in too deep.
12. Be respectful to his ex.
She is not your enemy or your competition. He’s been there, done that and so has she. If she is an on-going part of his life, you need to be on friendly terms with her. Not only will she be less likely to make your lives less of a living hell, but she’s the best resource for learning who this man is. She has known him for a long time. Plus, if he was ever abusive or unkind to her, you need to know. Of course some women are bitter and may not be the best judge of your new man’s character. But, if he has a psycho ex, do you want to bring that into your life?
13. Don’t assume he’s wealthy or successful.
If you are drawn to older men for the security they bring, don’t judge him by his expensive suits, watch and nice car. He may have had a wealthy ex-wife or he may be paying a huge chunk of his salary to his ex-wife and kids. Either way, this doesn’t provide any security for you.
14. Don’t piss off his friends’ wives.
For the love of all that’s holy, do not call them ma’am, do not flirt with their husbands and don’t dress too sexy, especially in the beginning. He wants to know how you will fit into his world. That includes his friends and their wives.
15. Don’t sacrifice your own goals.
If he has the ability and desire to travel the world with a hot, young woman on his arm, that’s great for both of you as long as it doesn’t prevent you from accomplishing your own goals. If you haven’t finished college or are on a successful career track, you can’t afford to jet across the globe only to face the end of the relationship and find yourself in the same financial state you were in when you graduated high school. You can either look at it as a fun experience and enjoy yourself, or let him know what you are sacrificing and hope he willing to work around your schedule.
16. Don’t let him be Daddy.
Don’t even call him Daddy. It’s just creepy. It’s perfectly fine to allow him to take care of you to a point, but when he starts sounding like your father; it’s time to get out… fast.
17. Don’t let your friends make jokes about him.
Your friends will have fun joking around about “the old guy” or dating “Mr. Smith”, but do your best to nip this behavior in the bud. If you joke around behind his back, they will think you don’t care if they do it to his face. It’s disrespectful and it won’t help your relationship. Even if you have no desire to have anything but a fling with this man, it’s still not cool. Think of how you feel when guys your age act differently in front of their friends, or you hear their friends say things about you that are disrespectful. Don’t be a jerk.
18. Keep an open line of communication.
If you get into a long-term relationship with an older man, you will need to keep an open line of communication. The two of you are in different stages of life. He is already matured and pretty much settled. However, you are rapidly growing and changing. You’re coming into your own and finding your place in the world. Your goals at the beginning of the relationship may change. Some of the changes will be, in part, due to the knowledge and experience he has shared with you. It’s extremely important to communicate your needs, desires and goals every step of the way, especially if they affect him and your relationship.
19. Have fun learning from each other.
With a larger age gap comes completely different life experiences. Enjoy teaching each other about new, interesting things.
20. Know when to say goodbye.
If you know in the beginning that the two of you aren’t going to be a long-term fit but decide to date anyway, know when it’s time to say goodbye. You don’t want to stay in a relationship that isn’t going in the direction you want for yourself too long. If you want kids and he doesn’t, you don’t want to wait until you’re close to menopause to find someone new.
Saying that age doesn’t matter when you’re dating is ludicrous. Of course it matters or it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Dating an older man can be a wonderful experience if treated with dignity and mutual respect. There’s no reason a relationship between a younger woman and an older man can’t work out as long both people are happy and enjoy each other’s company.
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